Torment

torment, suicide, poetry, steven humphreys

You know

the only way

out of

a life of torment

is

A

O N E

W A Y

T I C K E T

to hell!

smell the smoke

from the burning

bush.

yet,

nothing

burns…

the illusion

is

real

with each

step

down those

slippery

stairs.

once upon a time,

time stood still.

it is still there like a

movie re-run

to behold.

will you go back

and do it better?

Or, will you see the

movie through to its end?

If it weren’t for the written word,

I would have surely

killed myself

years ago…

that is,

if I

weren’t such a big

chicken

liver.

NO,

I guess

that’s not the real reason

I didn’t do it.

I would have missed it all.

you know, this

experience

called

L I F E.

I had hope.

life led me on

with all its

subtle trickery.

In other words,

I was fooled into

hanging on.

I had that glimmer of hope

things would get better.

But, they only got worse

and worse

through the decades.

yes,

many have had it

much

tougher than I.

But, I was always

the sensitive

one who got his feelings

hurt.

yes, ‘handsome’ old me:

I was the one rejected

who got his heart

broken shattered to pieces

used,

manipulated

and

betrayed

a thousand and one times.

yet, somehow,

I got

through it all.

I even learned some

things without

staying bitter.

I did recover

somewhat…

I learned that

all that torment

was not out there

so to speak,

it was trapped

entirely

within me.

It was my own experience

and it truly belonged only to me.

it was mine all mine and

out of everything I owned

on the face of this earth,

no one could ever take my

hard learned lessons

away

from me.

(it didn’t make me feel any better that

I had created all my own misery within. It seemed the world

was to blame, not me. yet, the world can’t

be blamed for how we feel: it is our reaction,

be it love, shame or hatred. We are

bound to this earth by our own feelings…)

And, all that lifelong pain

didn’t destroy

my soul like

I had feared.

it only destroyed who

I thought

I was.

but, as it turned out

that person wasn’t really me

anyway.

And, then someone else

grew from that

pile of ashes

standing tall.

he was better than

before.

actually, he was someone

I was starting to like.

he was

a changed man:

a work in progress.

But, eventually

he developed his own

philosophy of life

to cope with all

life’s ups and downs.

so,

here it goes.

listen up

real good…

‘you can

kid yourself

when

you drink

wine.

But, you

can’t kid

a kidder

when he’s

sober.

and, then

around the

corner

this ‘Kidder’

fella

catches you off

guard

delivering

something in

life

you never

expected.

you get a rude

surprise.

in a split second,

you hear a

‘whack’!

you see

stars and

blackness.

a bully with

a baseball

bat just whopped

you over

the head

knocking

you out.

you wake up

hours later…

then,

hello!

here it is:

dumped

right on your lap

whether you like it

or not!

you

begrudgingly

embrace your

next

life challenge

that you know

deep down in

your gut

is

a burden

that’s

really

really

really

gonna

S U C K!!!

more than

anything

you’ve ever

experienced

so far

in this

miserable

life!

and,

no one

pities

you

except

(riddle. fill in the blank)

Y _ U

 

 

Advertisements

Author: Steven Humphreys

I have long been married and currently write health and wellness articles and poetry posts. I have authored several books currently for sale at most popular outlets. I hope you like my blog finding it informative and meaningful as well as entertaining. Let me know what you think. You can read more 'about me' on this site. Thanks for stopping by!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s