About Life Being Unreal

I always knew something

about life

being unreal

but couldn’t explain

what that was

it was

that something

wasn’t quite right

something had a hole in it

a piece was missing

like a puzzle

and I never could quite find that missing piece

there was this unreal quality about it

I sensed this phoniness

this illusory quality

and

I just couldn’t put my finger on

or prove

exactly what it was

but

it was strange

fake

difficult to believe

sometimes a nightmare

often disappointing

sometimes good

but

what life delivered

to my doorstep

as a kid

was

I felt I was in a deep

conscious sleep

and

every time I thought this way

every time I pondered in this fashion

every time it hit me life was like

a dream…

life dropped a hammer

on my big toe

and there I was again

not surprised

at all

 hopping around

on one leg

holding my foot

in pain

as usual

and I then forgot

about life

being unreal

for a little while

until

those times I got scolded by my parents

when some girl broke my heart

when a bully sensed I was the sensitive type

and picked me out to pick on me

pushing me around

punching me in the stomach

for no good reason

and later on

when I woke up discovering my only friend

from high school

was always nothing but

a fair weather friend

with each divorce that was finalized

when those unloving parents died

getting off the hook from what they’d done to my child psyche

when I never got that high paid job I went to college and studied so hard for

eating Ramen

everything then fell completely apart

and then

I knew for sure life wasn’t real

at all

and finally there it was

there was my proof I’d been searching for

I knew that nothing mattered

I also knew that for some reason unbeknownst to me

I must have been born to go through all this

that I was more like everyone else

than not

I was

more sensitive than some

not as sensitive as others

for I didn’t kill myself early on

like I’d planned

but

believe me

I sure had thought a lot about doing it

why didn’t I?

too chicken

I thought things would get better

now

many years later

things didn’t get better

they got different instead

they didn’t get worse

I changed my mind

about many things

my thinking changed

I grew into someone else

 and learned

 what love is

that

it is something

that isn’t done

for me

Advertisements

About Steven Humphreys

I live in 'sunny' California with my lovely wife, three wonderful cats and very handsome dog! I write a lot these days about different subjects I have a 'heartfelt and deep-seated' interest in. I surely hope you will find my articles 'interesting and informative' as well. I sincerely appreciate your interest and you are welcome to visit here as often as you'd like. You can read more 'about me' within this site. Thank you for visiting!
This entry was posted in Life, Madness and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s