Praise for the Putzer

What about praise for the putzer?

He never gets his due,

he only pays tribute.

Things get done sooner or later.

Or, they simply don’t.

Why not tomorrow instead of today?

The problem with the world is deadlines.

In construction there’s always deadlines.

The sooner you get the job done, the sooner

they don’t need you, and the sooner you get laid off.

why hurry into your own lay off I always say.

I mean, that was OK with me.

I really hated it.

I mean, construction.

I looked forward to being laid off.

It was kind of a vacation

(of sorts, but not a paid one)

But,

I do like doing this.

Can’t you tell?

Anyway,

Who cares?

No, who cares who putzes around?

Not me, unless they are putzing around at my expense.

I think that’s the whole problem with putzing.

Putzers bug people.

But, they may not be inherently lazy.

The boss has deadlines and he’ll ride your ass, even let you go

if you don’t conform to

Hurrying up

your pace.

We can understand how a room full of do nothings wouldn’t work

for a boss.

He couldn’t get their attention, anyway.

And, even if he did, you know it’s in one ear and out the other with those kind.

So, here’s your mantra…

Let’s make the boss money, so he can buy his wife some foolish gift?

Who’s the fool, anyway?

Oh, of course, I forgot.

The putzer is the problem, not the wife who wants to

live like a ‘Kardashian.’

Now, they can afford to be Putzers

(of course, putzing around didn’t make them all that money. Their employees

surely did. I mean, they probably weeded out the putzers…)

Nevertheless,

Who said putzing around was something to be looked down upon?

AKA

horsing around

messing around

goofing off

he’s a slacker

dragging his feet

hanging around

screwing off

f_____g off

monkeying around

taking it easy

fiddling around

shirking his duties

and, here’s a good one…

I think it’s the best one.

Lollygagging.

That’s my favorite.

Lollygagging.

(That’s what a putzer does, but you don’t want him on your payroll.)

call him by any other name(s)

(which we just did)

and he surely would smell a lot

better than that cheap aftershave he’s using!

Personally, I’m not an Aqua Velva man.

He’s classier than I.

(I can’t remember the Aqua Velva commercials that well, but

I remember it got him the girls. I think he was in his twenties. And, handsome. And,

had more money to spend on a lot more expensive better smelling cologne. But, he chose Aqua Velva, instead. I also have Old Spice sitting up in the bathroom cupboard in case you didn’t really want to know…)

I picked up a bottle of the original Mennen’s Skin Bracer

a couple of weeks ago.

(I smelled both bottles before I bought while some while an old lady

was looking nosily at what I was doing)

Anyway,

Once in a while I want to splash some on even

though the wife doesn’t seem to care one way or the other.

I know my dog and cats would rather me not splash it on.

That fits my style.

I mean Mennen after shave.

Of which, I’m not too good at being stylish, anyway.

It doesn’t seem to fit my style.

And, styles go out of fashion so quickly in this day and age.

Therefore,

It’s better to be unstylish, that way

some day you will end up being

considered stylish

(or, most probably not)

But, I’m surely into putzing

as you can tell…

Is it so bad?

I do it all the time.

Who knew?

Is putzing typing poems?

Let me think…

Tick, Tick, Tick.

(It might fit there, especially if you consider it a blatant waste of time

reading my poems and don’t get a darned thing from them. I don’t know, are you even supposed to get something out of a poem? Hum… I haven’t heard anyone who ever said so…)

going onward…

I guess it’s not a bad thing when you’re retired and don’t have anything

better to do than putz around the house.

What? Let’s get the projects done sooner, so I can do what?

Oh, more projects?

So, what if I did them all?

 Then, what next?

watch more tv?

I have five hundred f_____g channels and there’s still not a damned thing on!

Oh yes, I could go on a vacation.

But,

I am already on a terminal vacation.

It’s not really a vacation.

It’s that you become permanently unemployed,

and have an income, if you are lucky enough to have been

able to plan that outcome…

You go nowhere when you vacation and end up nowhere when you go somewhere

because you just can’t seem to get away from you…

except, you want to keep an arm’s distance away from all the putzers.

since we’re talking about vacations…

I don’t want to be a traveler on a plane, bus or boat;

even in my own car (truck)

Why, you ask?

Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.

OK.

I will tell.

I am a control freak.

And, can’t seem to keep my secret.

I think the plane will crash, the bus will crash,

the boat will sink, and I’ll be stranded in my truck out of gas or overheated stalled in the middle of

nowhere…

Yet,

If you are affected in some way or another by the putzer, then it’s

no good.

For example, you don’t want him to do much for you (even if he would) because he’d probably do a half-assed job at it.

Example…

Cleaning your toilet, tuning up your car, cooking your meals, waiting in line at any government office, etc.

He’d screw whatever he touched of your stuff up

by our own goddamned putzing hands.

And, if anyone is going to do any putzing

it’s better we do the putzing

than someone else

screwing our own stuff up

by our own hands.

We want to be on that end of the Putzing stick

not on the s____y end.

I guess there’s no innocent putzing except for what you and I do.

They do a lot of it at the DMV.

I think that’s all they do in Washington.

big talkers, who are usually bigger liars and even larger promisers, are usually do nothings.

Putzers.

I think they do more of it (putzing around) in just about any other country in the world except the

good ole’ US of A.

We don’t putz enough.

Therefore,

I think it better we start considering doing a little more of it

as we go along in all our affairs each and every day.

And, if you get famous enough you’ll likely get the Putzer Prize

(which doesn’t amount to  much more of a pun than fool’s gold, a Trojan horse as a gift, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or a ride in a dental chair with a free amateur dentist who needs volunteers

 in extreme tooth pain

to practice on using absolutely no anesthesia…)

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About Steven Humphreys

I live in sunny California with my beautiful wife, three wonderful cats and very handsome dog! I write a lot these days about different subjects I hope you will find interesting and informative. Thanks for your interest. Read more 'about me' on this site. Thanks for visiting!
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